Broken Sparrow
by G i g a HEART
Summary: -L x Light- I felt like a God, going up against another God. He called me Kira and I defiantly, with much hatred laced - called him L, or did I simply not know his real name? AU/AR, Yaoi
1. Confirmed Dreams

**Disclaimer:** Death Note is not mine. It's fiction.

**Note:** This is Alternate Universe. If you see that some things are off, it's because AU offers the ability to change everything, even the setting, which I will not. This is another life, in which Light keeps relating to his past life, which was his life as Kira.

- Also, I was skeptical about posting. I don't know if it's good... I'm always my worst critic.

- I tend to slip out of past tense and present tense. This is done KNOWINGLY throughout the story.

* * *

To dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation.

* * *

**Broken Sparrow**

by **Miss Odzy**

01: _Confirmed Dream_

_'Do you miss me now that you can kiss the clouds?'_

There is a dream that I continuously keep having. In the end, he dies, and in the end, I die. I don't know him and I'd remember him from anywhere. The man I seek in my dreams had dark soul-less eyes, raven black hair, and a face of indifference. His skin is pale, as if he were a ghost, his lips tainted with only the smallest of smiles. In this particular dream, I had an unquenchable thirst, one consisting of blood. I wanted him dead.

But I am no killer.

Yagami Light is not one who wishes death so easily when he is too busy defending the rights of those who die. I believe in justice, ever since I was little, watching my father come home and place his badge on the table has inspired me beyond inspiration. I would become what he is now someday, chief of police sounded exactly perfect. Though, sometimes, more often than not, I become skeptical of what it is that I want.

Did I really want to become a cop or is... this my excuse, my excused dream.

Everyone needs one.

Everyone needs an adventure in life.

No one goes on without a goal to pursue.

Tomorrow would be the start of my freshmen year of college. How would I present a productive summer at home, studying and watching the news? Or would Light Yagami, the precious A - Average Student, pull through on the popularity poll again. Was I too cool to be a nerd? My looks are what save me from verbal bashing, and that's what kills me the most. How judgmental people are, so accusatory, and so shallow. Who are they to make such a statement:

Certainly not justice…

And once, in another dream, while I, was fighting with this unknown stranger. I had a feeling that I was doing wrong and right. I felt like a God, going up against another God. He called me Kira and I defiantly, with much hatred laced - called him L, or did I simply not know his real name? I thought about my dreams way too much, more than I liked to, but when they plague me every night, it's hard to ignore thinking about the reoccurrences.

It's always - usually the same. Standing on top of a building - feeling him there, staring through me and it was unrealistic, entirely impossible. He also stood on top of a building, miles away it seemed, but I could still see him, even with the high buildings of Japan in the way. I could feel him. We had one thing in common, which was to destroy each other, and to do it out of the act of justice. But kill me, why? I implored the various reasons. Perhaps it simply indicated that one God was getting angry with the other, or maybe it was the simple fact that only one God should exist.

In any case, I knew of this God's characteristics, but could not remember his face when I woke up. It frustrates me to no end. Throw me a math equation, a folder full of unsolved murders, or a mission to discover the newest antidote curing Massive Headache-Parthia, but ask me to remember the face of a man who has been reappearing in my dreams continually and you'll be disappointed. But the childish me, the less reasonable me, yearned for that resolve.

* * *

Sleep is only mere relief from reality. You no longer have to think or live, just remain succumbed to a much wanted darkness. Sometimes you'll dream, but what will you dream of, will you dream at all, will it turn out to be dreamt of, but soon forgotten? Or perhaps, it will be a nightmare: An inescapable fixture, resulting in the death of someone close to you, or maybe even your own? One thing was for certain, mine would never change and mine would never be a deep-dreaming.

But this was a dream.

It's raining and the wind is strong enough to blow away anyone who interfered, not that anyone ever did. It's desolate, no cars at the bottom, or none that I can see from the top of this narrow building. It wasn't as high as the sky, the building did not reach, but again, there is nothing beneath me. There is only straight ahead to look at, and the sooner I felt the familiar emotions, and the sooner I went through with this dream, the sooner it would be over, and morning would be here.

My eyes are kept closed. I know what's coming. I felt it, as a tremor, going up and down my spine. Like one solitary droplet of rain suddenly struck my feverish skin. The hatred, I could barely muster. His presence provoked the most uncomfortable feelings, my rival or my friend? Could two Gods become friends, could this possibly pacify Greek Mythology?

'Now, now, Kira, you're thinking too much about nonsense.' His voice is cool, but precise and calculated always knowing what it is that he wants to say, and how.

He called me Kira, which originated from the Japanese word 'Killer'. But before I can control my thoughts, control my body, my lips and tongue. I am bantering his wits, his cleverness not faltering, his walls not penetrated. We could tease each other, while knowing the deepest secrets bound to each other's beings. But when I tried to pull something, a heartstring, yes, there is nothing to pull.

For this God has no heart and I don't know enough…

'Kira,' he called, calling over and over again until my eyes open. He remained as patient as a saint. And he is standing there, yet far away on top of his own building, standing awkwardly. 'If you think us to be Gods, you're wrong, Kira…This is the heaven-less and hell-less world you now exist in.'

'The only regret I have is not being the one to write your name.' His lips turn up into a smile, amused by my words. Why had I said them, saying such a thing felt incredibly cruel and wrong, but good in some sick manner.

'Kira, how do you like your new world?'

And the floor beneath me crumbles, but I'm moving slowly, as time suddenly decreases. My new world, as it crumbles. L is his name, L… I think, or maybe it only starts with an L. He's the truth of my failings. I had failed to do something, hadn't I? I could feel it within the most cherished resentment, that there was failure somewhere. It explains why I'm falling and why I'm the one beneath him, his eyes haunting and dark, lifeless as they stare down at me, watching me, and damning me within an instant.

Even when his lips aren't moving, I could hear him, his voice ringing strongly in my ears, 'See how it suits you…'

When I reach the bottom, a new nightmare lies in my awake. It feels real, my body hurts – my arm is burning. My ears numb with the sounds of gunfire. My real death wasn't the fall, but it's right here. At least, that's what I thought. I never truly found out, it's usually when the loud gunshot sounds off that I wake up. Any moment now, once the pain has made its way throughout my body. The few moments of complete agony felt like hours to me.

Had I been killed or had I done the killing? Or was it both...

* * *

College wasn't a big deal. Then again, everything came easy for me. Law was a subject for me, as English was to an author. It was almost too easy. I closed my book, and leaned forward, my chin on top of my folded hands. Please, Professor, indulge me in what I already know, while I busy myself with thoughts, observing – training, if you will. But first, to my left was a coffee I brought with me to stay awake. Crazy dreams provoke one to never want to fall asleep.

Observing turned into thinking.

If I were in my own personal Hell, then why would I live in the next life? Those who go to Hell do not get second chances. I didn't feel like an exception to Hell's rules, so maybe my dreams didn't mean anything at all. I'd see a doctor soon, someone who can regulate the dreams I've been having, to not having them at all. I couldn't live like this, confused and consumed by the hatred and mixed feelings towards another person, someone who didn't even exist.

A gentle breeze blew past me, my bangs shifting – caressing the sides of my face. My body tensed suddenly, as if remembering something. Someone had walked in, but the teacher in the front continued on with lecturing. I wasn't alright, not even safe, as my nails dug into the table in front of me. That undisputable hatred was back, but this time, I was actually feeling it – experiencing it. That eerie wind that blew past me, it was drenched in that feeling of absolute-

'Ryuuzaki,' was all he said, and I dared not to turn around. He was introducing himself to the person next to him, and his voice, it sounded familiar. I knew it. It was him, my mind was shouting at me. Turn and look at him. But I sat there, dissatisfied and stubborn. I wouldn't.

If I did, then I'd only torture myself, or wind up glaring daggers at him.

This feeling was fiction.

It was all fiction and he didn't exist.

It was all just a dream.

* * *

**  
-End of Chapter-**


	2. Enchantment

**Disclaimer:** Death Note is not mine. It's fiction.

**Note:** This is Alternate Universe. If you see that some things are off, it's because AU offers the ability to change everything, even the setting, which I will not. This is another life, in which Light keeps relating to his past life, which was his life as Kira.

- Also, I was skeptical about posting. I don't know if it's good... I'm always my worst critic.

* * *

To dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation.

* * *

**SonokoTao:** Thank you! For reading and reviewing... not a lot of people do, so thanks. It makes me write faster.

**yaoi loveing wolf:** Thank you very much! I look forward to hearing from you again.

* * *

**  
Broken Sparrow**

by **Miss Odzy**

02: _Enchantment_

_'__I spoke to you in a dream, I begged you not to bleed.'_

I had managed to avoid him. I waited until the room was cleared, before leaving class. The walk to the doctors had been torture. It was beyond hot, and the heat from the air made me unbelievably sleepy. But I wouldn't think about what would happen if I did fall asleep, I would think of how to prevent it. I knew of a few shops on the way with all of the caffeine I could hope for.

Today would be both liquid and pill form, hopefully. It all depended on what the doctor would think. I could be a convincing individual, though I wouldn't have to convince anyone of anything. I couldn't stand sleeping anymore. I've even deduced myself to going to a psychologist. Anything would be fine, I'd tell him, anything at all, any prescription, please hand it over. I am in need. Do you see how worn out I am? I can barely stand, dizzy to the lights in the office, and the anti-medicinal smell of lemons.

'Yagami-kun,' the receptionist smiled up from her chart, and then I realized that it was one of the girls that sat in front of me at the college, next to yet another girl, who was clinging to yet another girl. Would she tell everyone that she saw me here? Or maybe she was dumb enough to not remember what type of doctor she works for?

'Hi…'

'It's nice to see you…' She talked the duration of the walk, bringing me to a room, her pink lips still moving. '…but I didn't want to see that movie, ya know? I wanted to just stay in at my house, run a nice hot bath…thinking of…'

I yawned. She was making me even more tired. That's when the doctor walked in, and my interest peaked. Finally, someone who could tell me differently, that I'm not insane, and that this was common, to constantly dream of one person and one exact death. Finally, maybe he could be the one to make it stop. He closed the door, the receptionist thankfully, now gone. She was beginning to aggravate me. My patience for annoying women or interruptions for that matter was very slim.

'Light.'

I looked over at him, my eyes cutting him short. I wanted to skip the formalities, I could barely sit still, I was already fidgeting, 'I'm dreaming…constantly…about something that's never happened. At least, I don't think it has, maybe it will, though.'

He took out his notepad and reached for his pen. "When did these dreams start?'

'Around eight or nine years-old,' I wasn't lying, this was no fabrication. I started dreaming of these obscene moving pictures starting from such a young age. "They were consistent though. It had only just started, but then it grew more and more clear and more real and soon, they never left me. Every dream had turned into the same dream, no matter what outcome. I wake up with a fever and shaking, sweating."

'Eight or nine…' I knew that he'd doubt me there. I didn't mind it, as long as he knew that they were still affecting me now, still haunting me now, and taking the life from me. "Light, what is it you dream of?"

Just give me the medication.

I let out a long sigh, I hated going over it, and I hated admitting it to others, these dreams would make one sound conceited. The thought of being a God…

'I'm on top of the highest building. There's no sound, but there's wind blowing – it's raining. I don't know if there's anyone on the streets, it is bottomless each time I look down.'

'Is that all?' He gives a light chuckle, stopping in his writing to criticize me, which was his job in the first place, but it continued to anger me.

'Not everything.' I tried my best not to glare at him. Luckily, he didn't look up to see the look I was giving him, but I'm sure that he could sense the hostility. That was part of his job. 'I feel this hatred...for this man. He's there and he's across from me, but far away. I can see him and feel him. And then, I wake up inside another dream and I experience pain. It's breathtaking…'

'Yagami,' he placed his notepad down, the pen between two fingers. Another sarcastic dubious smirk appeared on his face. 'Why did you come here? I'm a psychologist. I can't diagnose you based off of one dream that you may or may not have had for the past decade or so. If you have an anxiety disorder, fears of something, feel that your mind is thinking unnecessary or negative things…'

Was he joking?

'There's no medication you could prescribe?' He shook his head, doubtfully – denying. I got up from my seat. And don't believe that the seats at the psychology ward are comfortable, because they sure as fuck weren't. And neither was the office, they were all zombies except for the annoying receptionist that was about to say 'thinking of you', while taking hot baths.

Real welcoming!

Oh and how I'd dream tonight.

I'd dream so deeply and shake so violently.

* * *

'Kira…' came the soft voice, the gentle whisper in the wind that created no sound. The gust of strong wind was tearing at me. My eyes once again greeted the dead imagery, adjusting to the sight of him, the mysterious L. His black hair fluttered around his glowing pale face, the circles around his eyes more dark than before, than I had remembered.

'Y-yes…' It had been my voice, this time, my words. My rationality and not someone else's any longer. I couldn't stop shaking. 'What is it you want from me?'

His onyx eyes are as abnormal as his skin tone, so lifeless. 'To go back to Heaven, where I have been expelled from, expelled because you are living, Kira. Why are you alive?'

My eyebrows furrowed, trembling. This dream was different. He was so incredibly close now that the shadow from his tall figure shadowed over me.

'Kira,' the name rolled off of his tongue, but he said it with such distaste. '…you're different somehow, so very different from before. Trembling like some dog, cowering before me, is this the true God of a new world?'

'What are you talking about?'

His hands, before they met my face burned, burned more fiercely than any fire, but his hands were ice cold. They cradled the sides of my face, scorching my skin. I couldn't hold back the screams tearing from deep within my throat. A normal person would have woken up from this pain, but I am damned while dreaming. I'm his, I realized, his when I'm asleep and he makes use of the time, torturing me to his content.

'I am expelled, because I am alive as well, Yagami-kun.' This was the first time that he called me by my last name, and with the friendly suffix. 'This soul of mine cannot be connected in the next life, but it is, in this life. I am yanked from my heaven. The heaven you sent me to, when you killed me.'

'K-kil-ed?' I choked on the words, my eyes widening. It was hard to concentrate through the pain, hard when he's an inch away from me, accusing me of murdering him, and not making any sense.

It felt like he was forcing something into me, inside my head, inside of my mind. The pain becoming overwhelming, feeling the pressure, continuing to let out screams of agony, as his face remains the same vacant expression, "Nhn STOP!'

'Stop, Yagami-kun, but why and more importantly, how? How do I stop hurting you,' he murmured, his breath sweet, burning my lungs – a new fire. 'You are Kira…and I am L…and this is how the enchantment between us began. Do you remember, you will…'

New visions came to me, flooding my senses, playing behind my eyelids as they closed tightly:

_'I trust in your sense of justice and investigative skills, so if you promise me not to tell this to anyone else, I am willing to share some critical information on the Kira case.'_ I saw myself looking back, and the dull image of L and I flashing in and out of color, and I recognized the room as the one I went to class in. He's looking at me, but there's emotion, but what is it? I liked seeing him lively, liked seeing him with a reflection in his sparkling eyes.

'**_I promise you can tell me_.' **My lips formed over the words, reciting them without reservation, without the intention to, and his lips – his cold lips are against my ear, the memory gone. 'I am L.'

* * *

'Ryuuzaki!" I gasped, my chest heaving for air. It was morning. The surroundings of the buildings gone, I'm in my bed. Another dream, as I had already known. But the most disturbing part was that instead of saying L, I had said, 'Ryuuzaki', that student's name. It had to be L. I could feel it.

* * *

**  
End of Chapter.**


	3. Comatose

**Disclaimer:** Death Note is not mine. It's fiction.

**Note: **This is Alternate Universe. If you see that some things are off, it's because AU offers the ability to change everything, even the setting, which I will not. This is another life, in which Light keeps relating to his past life, which was his life as Kira.

- Also, I was skeptical about posting. I don't know if it's good... I'm always my worst critic.

* * *

To dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation.

* * *

**  
SonokoTao:** You're pretty observant lol It's a good thing and thank you for the criticism.  
I'm sorry if I disappointed you in some way. I connected it with a certain experience of my own with a certain psychologist. Thank you very much for reviewing and reading.  
**  
X-Dreamweaver-X:** Thank you ! I'm glad you're liking it so far.

**love lawliet:** I SHALL UPDATE RIGHT NOW! Thank you !!

**yaoi loveing wolf: ** -stares back and clicks enter button- readread. Thank you.

* * *

**Broken Sparrow**

by **Miss Odzy**

03: _Comatose _

_"I spoke to you in a dream, I begged you not to bleed."_

I avoided sleeping. I couldn't afford it anymore. There was a sick feeling in my stomach, I'd return to college today. I'd go and he'd be there and I'd have no choice but to look. I'm not an exception, I can't take classes at any other time and I couldn't ask him to leave. My selfless thoughts grew more and more selfish everyday. I didn't want to see him and I didn't want to feel that undeniable hate. I hated Ryuuzaki, wholly and passionately, without knowing him, but sensing him. He was L.

"Raito, how was the doctors?" My mother had a way of softly dealing with the negatives, with her voice calm and gentle, asking me how the doctors went, if he could cure my nightmares, which he couldn't. I wouldn't lie, even though lying would have been the predictable route. I didn't want to upset her, but which would hurt her in the end? She would be able to tell if I were getting better or worse, my condition evident with the nosebleeds, the shaking, and the sweating. She'd notice that I'm not better.

"Uun," I shook my head, meeting her worried eyes, always worrying about me. "It seemed like a childish diagnostic. He didn't act like he wanted to help me. He took it as a joke, I think. Even if he didn't outright call me a liar, I knew that he was thinking it. He probably thought I wanted medicine for my own pleasure."

She stopped right in front of me, "Wakarimasen..."

"I don't understand it much, either. But I'm sure that what he did wasn't legal and the matter should be looked into further." She shook her head and placed down the rag she had been wiping everything down with. She looked tired and she had every reason to be. Perhaps, she suffered at night as well, knowing that I wasn't sleeping, or that I was most likely having nightmares. Her quiet voice was barely there, in the empty house, "I wonder if my prayers no longer reach God, if he's chosen to block me out, since I've been praying for so long."

She gave a long sigh, as she continued, "My Raito...you were so young... Do you know how difficult it is for a mother to watch her son experience constant night terrors, nightmare after nightmare? Holding you only seemed to make it worse... How many doctors said you were fine or didn't know what to do with you? I want it to end."

"Okaasan..." I looked at her, my eyes going soft. "I can imagine having to endure the stress of putting my entire family through this, and through that, I experienced absolute patience, love, and understanding."

* * *

He didn't show up, thankfully, this 'Ryuuzaki', and I was glad. He didn't show up the day after that, and the next. I hadn't slept and I wouldn't be having any. Even though, I was more worn out throughout the day, I found it to be worth it. Classes used to be stressful, but now they were as they should be, normal. Without hate or nervousness, whoever Ryuuzaki was, he wouldn't be coming back, but this also worried me, as found in my annoying family attributes.

"Did you hear about Ryu?" I opened my ears for a moment, the two students next to me loved socializing and gossiping, I might have to determine what's real or not. If Ryuuzaki was anything like L, then he'd undoubtedly be a smart individual.

But what falsely things could happen to a smart individual?

I planned on someday meeting the Ryuuzaki, I wanted to ask him questions, if he also had the same dreams as I did, if he was L, and if he was too weak to fight against it, and allowed this 'L' to speak and not speak himself. I wanted to know so many things. I just wasn't ready for it. Now that he would literally never come back, or so they were saying, I felt at loss.

"I heard he was in an accident…expelled…moved…dead…"

None of them sounded right. I got up from my seat and proceeded to walk out into the June weather. I'd miss another lesson, not that my mind was registering anything lately. I was still decent with grades, most of it was easy, and taught personally by my father ever since I became interested in it. I'd have to go through him and see if he knows of anything. A cop is always on scene if something bad were to happen to anyone. They'd surely know.

But how many calls were there in the past few days that Ryuuzaki wasn't here?

"Yagami-san…" came the shockingly warm voice and I turned sharply to see who it was, already knowing, but not knowing all at once. It was familiar and startling overwhelming. The man in front of me was well past his time, but smiled delicately, as if pleased to be seeing me, like I was someone he's known his entire life.

"Gomen…" I apologized, letting him know that I don't remember him. I felt ashamed, but why? He was an old man, with snow white hair, and small circle framed glasses, and his attire was not one of Japan's fashions. It was foreign wear, but it mattered little at this point. My habit way of analyzing others sometimes wasn't my fault, it's something acquired on my own, when I blocked myself out from the world and simply watched.

Again, that gentle polite smile. "Ryuuzaki has done something beyond his wits." He continued when I didn't answer, that smile turning sour, "…the boy has put himself into a coma. You know why."

My body went limp for a moment, as I leaned back against the nearest wall, my mind going faster than I could catch up with. What was he thinking? The man placed his bony fingers on my shoulder, and brought me back to reality, "You know why, Light Yagami."

"I…" I was shaking my head, because honestly, I couldn't comprehend it. My eyes searched the floor, as if there answers were there. "Lack of self-awareness…lack of purposeful movements, lack of sleep-wake cycle, impaired breathing-"

"The coma was chemically induced for his own beneficial healing process, he's deeply sleeping, and obtain none of the symptoms you just listed." He let go of my arm, "Yagami-san, you must think beyond natural causes."

"And what healing was there to be done?" My voice had a harsh edge to it, though I hadn't meant it to sound so defensive, why should I be?

"He's finding answers."

* * *

I turned on my desk lamp and opened my notebook, I write down anything new I discover from my disorder, or so I thought it was, now I realized that it was something fictional, like I had feared. It was something that made no sense at all. I was supposed to be someone else, wasn't I? My past life was channeling into this life, and somehow, I was born again, when I wasn't supposed to be, and by being born again, I had also brought back the dead, not literally – but their spirits inside their future-selves, their forms.

I could be wrong. I had to be wrong.

And Ryuuzaki had put himself into a deep sleep to find these answers. The more he dreamt, the more he came up with conclusions. He knew more than I did about it. He already knew that I was experiencing the same exact thing that he was; perhaps L was inside his head, whispering in his ear, in his dreams, telling him. L would do anything, wouldn't he? He'd do anything to hurt me, but what could he possibly benefit from all of this?

Why would he help…was he helping...

I flicked off the lamp and crawled into bed, I'd have to try sleeping. Watari had put it into perspective for me, even if he wouldn't tell me enough and pretty soon it would come down to sleeping again and hurting again. I wondered if L would be helpful this time, or if he would continue taunting me. It was a game to him. I'd gladly play it tonight, I'd offer him what he wanted, and hopefully I'd get what I wanted: Answers.

_ "Alright, so what do I do?"_

_"Save him. That's all."_

_"Wait… how did you know to find me?"_

_"Ryuuzaki is an exceptional detective. He told me to search for you before we went through with the procedure."_

_"I know his name, but what's your name?"_

_"On the contrary, Yagami-san, you don't know Ryuuzaki's true name. I doubt you ever will. But, I shall give you my name. It's Watari. And along with my name, I shall give you a warning. Do not in any shape or form hurt or kill Ryuuzaki, or else you will surely pay for it, as you well known what true justice is and how it works."_

Oh, I knew, I was aware, and I'd never defy those rules. I believed in it too much. Apparently, in my last life, I had killed. I killed L. I was bound to him, my soul – my life, completely his, and I might not make it into Heaven, I might go straight back to hell, but as long as this was my life, and not Kira's life, then I'd do it differently and not succumb to his ways. I'd go to hell knowing that what I did was right and surely, there would be a grinning devil waiting for me, and I'd greet him with a smile.

I closed my eyes.

Welcome me back, I'm yours.

You know you can't resist.

Come and hurt me.

For I am full of sin…

And for that, you can't resist.

Come on, L.

* * *

"I didn't think you'd come. It's been long nights, Yagami-kun." He looked over at me, his dark eyes cold, and empty. His skin was near glowing, the dark clouds creating a paleness and dullness to the made-up scenery. His lips twitched into a smile, as he remained in an odd-crouching position, bringing his thumb up – chewing on the short nail, "Have you revisited your memories, I wonder…"

I walked closer, as if suddenly possessed. He seemed unreal. "What memories?"

"So many people you have killed, Kira and I couldn't put you to justice. They all played into your hands, until the very end." He got up from his spot on the floor, his stance slouching – his tall slender figure more apparent as the rain clung his white shirt to his body. His large – scrutinizing dark eyes never looking away from mine. "I enjoyed arguing with Kira, you're just a pathetic decoy who knows nothing of what you were, of what you are."

"Decoy," I murmured, still not fully aware of anything around me, not even him. He was an angel, wasn't he? He was also Ryuuzaki, somewhere, beneath the complexity of the situation. "I'm here, because I want to know how I can make this stop, how can I…make it all go away?"

He said it so carelessly, "You must die, Raito-kun."

He smirked when I didn't answer.

"Of course you won't, you're only human. Why would someone with a thirst for justice and righteousness, for godliness go and kill themselves?"

"That's not it!" I closed my eyes, my hands tightening into fists. "I'm not a killer nor a God."

"But you are and I'm surprised that Kira hasn't revealed those memories to you, hasn't tried to corrupt you," he murmured, while reaching his hand out to touch me. I wouldn't make that mistake again, as I stepped away – in which he followed, one foot after the other. "If he wanted to, he could easily change your very thought process, but he hasn't, why?"

"Stay away from me…" I almost lost my footing, forgetting that we were on top of a building with a bottomless ending. His eyes widened, as if he knew something I didn't and smiled knowingly. "'Ryuuzaki' is showing me useless images. They will not save you, but instead damn you. Your good deeds will never be true, his emotions – he actually feels sympathy for you."

"Ryuuzaki!" I suddenly grabbed him, looking into the black nothingness for eyes that he has, shaking him, and repeating his name. "Ryuuzaki, please, listen to me. I'll find out what it is…I'll save you."

"Save?" L's voice nearly scathed, "I've had enough of you."

I wasn't expecting the sudden pain in my chest, as his foot pushed me from the building, and I sank deeply. The bottom didn't seem to have one and I could hear his voice, the gentle amused echo:

"An eye for an eye, that's what I always say."

* * *

**  
End of Chapter.  
R&R Please.**


	4. Sleeping Beauty

**Disclaimer:** Death Note is not mine. It's fiction.

**Note:** This is Alternate Universe. If you see that some things are off, it's because AU offers the ability to change everything, even the setting, which I will not. This is another life, in which Light keeps relating to his past life, which was his life as Kira.

- Also, I was skeptical about posting. I don't know if it's good... I'm always my worst critic.

* * *

To dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation.

* * *

**GoldenEyesMidnightTears:** Thank you very much, I'm glad that you're enjoying it. It gets a bit more complicated from here on out. Please, follow!

**yaoi loveing wolf: ** Indeed! lol Thanks.

**TO ALL WHO HAVE ALERTED/FAVORITED: **Thank you very much. It's probably what keeps me updating. Even if you don't comment, I see that you're enjoying it and want to know when it's updated. Thanks.

* * *

**  
Broken Sparrow**

by **Miss Odzy**

04: _Sleeping Beauty_

___"As your head lay there on the ground, a broken sparrow sings."_

I woke up to an annoying beeping sound and was instantly aware of the unfamiliar scent filling my lungs, which made it hurt to breathe in suddenly. Then, I remembered, I was kicked off top of a building, though not realistically, right? The pain was there and the more I came to, I realized that I was most likely at the hospital. I clarified the white surroundings, it was a hospital. I hated the hospital.

The pale white walls, the simple yellow décor, and the needle in my vein was more than unwelcomed, though the pain medication, which was needed at the moment, was not without taste. Through the haziness of my thought process, I tried to think up reasons as to why I was literally here, at the hospital, with a pain in my chest. Had I been affected somehow, had L's kick really sent me back flailing off of a building?

I heard that in dreams and however your body reacts, can mess with the dreaming pattern. Had something happened to me prior? I tried sitting up, 'tried' being the keyword, when I lay back down again. Defeated and dejected, not enjoying the ordeal at all. I didn't enjoy being confused and I didn't enjoy being here. Surely, they must've known. You could call it a phobia even, knowing that the fear is irrational, but fearing it anyway.

This needle in my arm and the inexpressible pain in my chest, it was impossible to withstand it.

"Raito," It was Sayu, my younger sister. I squinted. She turned on the light next to me. It was dark outside the windows. Just around that particular damnable time. She annoyed me, quite honestly, she didn't know what to do and what not to do, and it was easier for her to just do it without thinking. "I didn't come in here to give you a guilt trip or anything, but Mom is a wreck because of you."

She's a wreck? How would she feel knowing that I'm supposedly a murderer with a God complex? Once I remembered it, my stomach churned. I couldn't get sick from the lack of food in my stomach, through fluids seemed to be flowing freely between the bag filled with unwanted-ness and the needle allowing it all to enter through my veins, inside my body, causing my instinctive measure to feel ill once more, but to no avail, there would be no refuge.

"She found you faced down on your pillow bleeding half to death, your mouth was gushing blood, even!" Her hands were animated, though her story was vague, but most likely true, thrown in with angst and dramatics. "She said it looked like you were tossed up into the sky and crashed back down again."

Oh, irony in all her glory.

"Maybe I was kicked off a building, in some fictional dimension, by a crazed detective, who is obsessed with calling me a murderer," I murmured, not expecting her to hear it, but inevitably, she was listening to everything that I had to say. Her eyes were wide and she looked away, as if to say that I was insane. I was probably heading there, I mused with the thought, was I really losing it?

"Hello Yagami-san," came in the nurse, and just like the plain walls, her outfit held no personality. Some nurses are allowed to wear shirts with floral decoration or even cartoon characters, but oddly enough, it was void of color and completely pale. The blue of her shirt reminded me of the dim color balance outlining L in my dreams. I could remember that vividly, his ominous glow.

"Hi," I answered her barely, trapped deep within my own presaging– consistent thoughts, they'd just keep coming. Her smile was sweet, comforting, yet negligent. She seemed laid back, not wanting to be here and smiling just to smile. She touched a finger to the tube that was giving me fluids, "I'm here to give you more pain medication. The doctor wants to make sure that you're in absolutely no pain when they take your x-rays. Now, this will make you drowsy…"

As she says – no, sentenced me to a medication induced sleep, she's already pushing the liquid out of the syringe. It wouldn't make sense to fight it or to argue, I myself, wanted those answers, the answers that Ryuuzaki was also searching for. I had to help him, for the sake of this Watari guy ending my life. Everything that's been happening to me for the past eleven years was starting to connect to something and someone else.

I laughed, shortly, catching the fearful look that Sayu gives me, her small voice reaching me, "More sleeping…is that such a good idea?"

Okaasan, you don't have to worry. She walks in with a handkerchief, covering her nose and mouth, but I can see her tears. It wasn't that extreme, what's happened to me, and it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. It wasn't supposed to hurt period. But Christ, it did. Okaasan… Don't cry. I gave a smile of relief, feeling the pain go down, and fully away, but then I realized that I was falling helplessly in and out of consciousness, and crashing down to sleep.

_'You must die, Raito-kun.'_

* * *

"Checkmate."

I looked over, surprised to see that we're not on top of buildings, but inside what looked like a hotel room, but not ordinary, the many televisions in the room capturing my attention. Someone was under surveillance. I stepped closer to the screen, the rooms becoming more familiar, but not exact - it had changed. I knew it was my home, judging by the rooms, the sizes and colors, the corners.

L sighed, "You were under the suspicion of being Kira."

"That again," I sighed, while resting a hand on my hip, highly annoyed. "Listen, L. I need to speak with Ryuuzaki. You need to let him-"

"I don't need to do anything for you." He moved the black chess piece along the board. "Do you think that the black piece is the typical 'evil' piece and that the white piece is the typical 'hero, good – angelic' piece?"

I shook my head, not understanding his randomness, and wondering if randomness was what it was at all, "That is how it's perceived… usually…"

"That's incorrect." I blinked. There was that blue aura again. "They see it as any piece, color really doesn't matter. So, I've discovered something about your character, Kira."

I was stammering, "Something ridiculous!"

He smiled then, and I took a step back.

"I could hear him in your voice. The real Kira… He had a special way of denying things, fabricating his motives, trying to protect his false innocence. The only person it didn't fool was me." His voice so careless, so lax – I wondered if he was a monster, unable to feel, this couldn't have been an angel. "How's your heart, Raito-kun?"

"My heart…" Not understanding, I brought my hand up and gently touched where the pain had been. His black eyes met mine for a long moment, knowingly. He knows that I'm at the hospital and that I'm in for chest pains, possibly. "That was from the kick, wasn't it?"

"Dreams aren't that real, Raito-kun." He got up from his game of chess, walking a few steps towards me, his posture disoriented, slouching – as if not knowing what to do with his long figure. "I shouldn't say such things, this isn't realistic, yet it's still happening, so, I should say be saying, I had nothing to do with what's happening with your heart. A higher power has something to do with this. You're not supposed to be living and it would make sense for him to put things back into order."

"If that were the case, then why would he give you the boot, why expel an angel?" His body went stiff from that, I see now that around his dark orbs are cobalt rings. The color of L's eyes made me indecisive, and I wondered why I felt this way around him. Kira's feelings were making me suffer. That hatred was spread on so thick, I could barely muster a single thought.

There was hate and something else. I needed L? No, that wasn't right. Regret. I gasped, holding my chest – the pain returning, but that regret – that guilt hitting me. I didn't want L to die. I didn't want Ryuuzaki to die. I didn't want death for anyone. My heartbeat thundered in my ears – loudly into the room, L could hear it, I could tell when his expression changed. It only sped up faster and faster. I could feel that something big was coming.

"L…"

He tilted his head at me, "Kira?"

"I'm sorry." And he laughed, watching me get down on my knees. The pain was overwhelming. It wasn't me who said it, though. It was both me and the person that controlled me, this Kira person. He was me, but I wasn't him, if that made any sense. He looked like me, but didn't feel the way I felt, he was clearly a murderer, but I was clear of the shameful disgusting concept. I couldn't imagine myself killing anyone, especially L or were those 'his' feelings.

He killed L, so why was he regretting it now?

"How is it that a God can die?" He crouched down, his thumb pressing against his bottom lip, his eyes piercing – as he reaches forward and rests his long – spidery fingers against my chest. "Your heart is breaking into two, not so literally, though the outcome will be the same."

The outcome of what…

His closeness triggered something and I tasted what could have been the beauty of reunion. Without thinking, without having to, simply feeling, the Kira that frightened me had come out, grabbing the back of L's neck, and kissed him firmly. We stayed perfectly still, the feeling surreal. This was a dream, but this inched closer to reality, it burned – it soothed. His lips were surprisingly warm and soft. He gasped and I noticed that there was something alarmingly human about him now.

I pulled back – I could already tell that it wasn't him, "Ryuuzaki?"

He was breathing heavily, his cheeks flushed, "Yagami Light."

For the sake of our embarrassment, I went straight for the route of the situation, "Ryuuzaki, I… Please, you have to wake up."

"If Raito dies…" Ryuuzaki murmured, his blank expression worrisome, his eyes looking up at me, he wasn't talking to me, but to L rather. "…yes, I know. The balance would be restored. It was he, who requested this…"

He, as in, me? Kira…

He asked for this to happen, why? And if so, why would it happen for someone who was supposed to be condemned? God would accept it, why? Why?

"I wanted you to live." I felt pushed into my subconscious, buried in the back of my mind, it was no longer me speaking, but Kira. And as Kira showed himself, so did L, his fingers against his lips, as if feeling the burn from the kiss.

"That was a despicable thing you did."

"You liked it." They started to argue, "And your skin is still pink from the intensity."

I could see through his eyes, staring down at pale glowing skin, L didn't seem to react to the things that would normally anger another. I could feel the amusement teasing my senses. Kira was amused by this logic? **His calm façade will never disappear. Don't you think it inhuman, Raito?**

"Kira…" I answered him, his thoughts were reaching me. He was talking to me. "What are you doing…why are you doing this…"

L stared on, watching the waves of emotion or lack thereof pass through the new form, which was Kira, and I wondered if he could feel me at the back of his mind, if he could see me at all.

**I wanted him to live. And for that reason, I'd die once again.**

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**End of Chapter.**


	5. Mind over Matter

**Disclaimer:** Death Note is not mine. It's fiction.

**Note:** This is Alternate Universe. If you see that some things are off, it's because AU offers the ability to change everything, even the setting, which I will not. This is another life, in which Light keeps relating to his past life, which was his life as Kira.

- Also, I was skeptical about posting. I don't know if it's good... I'm always my worst critic.

* * *

_  
To dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation._

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****

yaoi loveing wolf: Of course! Thanks for reviewing.

**Ladyblue17: ** Thank you... for saying so! It's a compliment is every way... Thank you. Please, enjoy reading!

**Resquience: **Thank you for saying so! -blush-

* * *

**Broken Sparrow**

by **Miss Odzy**

05: _Mind over Matter_

_"Sweet boy you'll break, if every day you live in memories of the embrace."_

Water was dripping, from where? Where could there have been that awful drip. I wondered if I was awake or not. My vision of L was blurry. I was probably going in and out of consciousness. I could feel myself trembling. A blanket, that's what I needed. The temperature was dropping rapidly and I felt like I couldn't breathe, the air was so cold. My throat was burning.

"L, it's really cold…"

He didn't answer me, busying himself in his work, typing away.

**L was always constructive. I think that's what I liked most about him. He was never without something to do. The more the clocked ticked, the more I felt that he was ahead of me and it drove me nuts. L is important, you see, he is why you're living and why I'm dead.**

Kira decided to start talking to me again. My hands closed over my ears, he was in my head. I didn't want to speak with him. I had nothing to say to someone who killed others, my past life, my destiny, was it?

**I'm not allowing him to die this time and we only have selective time, Light. You have to leave the hospital and find 'it'.**

"Find what?" My eyes opened, I was awake now. I looked around, it was dark outside. No one was here. Relieved, I fell back against the pillows, bringing my arm up over my eyes, feeling the appending headache become more defined.

**The same notebook that killed L and killed so many others…I could feel your heart ache at this, but if you want it all to end, you must do what I'm asking of you. This is my second chance, my only chance, I should say. Save L or don't, the choice is yours.**

To save L…To send L back to Heaven or to send him back to where he was? I wanted to, but could I trust this? If I knew anything about myself, it was that I made promises that I could keep, and when I was serious about it, I'd get it done. The chances of Kira lying to me as he beseeches me were slim. I'd have to believe him, because there wasn't anything else to do anymore.

**You must find the notebook and write L's name down.**

My mind was already reeling at this, "I will not!"

**Yes, L would definitely die, but you didn't let me finish. Rip off a sheet from the notebook, and write his name. Also include that he will die in a peaceful slumber at the age of ninety-eight.**

"What happens if he were to die before that time? I mean, I don't understand it, does the notebook extend his life…"

**Typically, it would be null and void, if he were to die before the predicted time, but he will have more than enough years on him, trust me.**

"I don't understand," I gritted out, in the process of removing the IV and patches on my chest, turning the machine off before it could beep. If I had to leave, it would have to be now, when there were no visitors for me, and in the middle of the night. The probability of a nurse coming in to check my IV was low enough to give me confidence that this might actually work.

**In order for L to live, I must die.**

"I got that part, loud and clear, but how?" I walked over to the closet, while bringing a hand to my heart. It hurt.

**You're dying Light, and as much as you're suffering, so am I. Believe me, this is what you wanted. You've suffered in neither Heaven nor Hell, but in complete nothingness. You've hated, you've killed, and you have loved more fiercely than you could ever imagine.**

I was dying. My fingers dug deeply into my chest, where my heart was. I knew what this was about. I had to die and by dying, my life would be added onto L's. That was the deal. Kira had an obtuse way of showing me everything. The images he painted were vivid. Was my only purpose of living to die and save another? Where was my real purpose? This was my life.

I slipped into my clothes and slowly walked over towards the window. I felt damned. My fingers were firm, sliding the glass to the side, and stepping out onto the wet grass. It wasn't supposed to be that easy. It should never be that easy. I felt like going back in and letting them do their best for me, to help me, but this was my destiny, right? To die…

That's why I had dreams like these, of these two specific others. I'd die in order to redeem myself.

**No, not to redeem yourself, you could never do that. You've killed far too many…I'd rather remain in this barren empty world knowing that I allowed him to live, then to remember his last breath. I was wrong, so incredibly wrong.**

"You have, not me." I was near sobbing, as I crouched forward, and gripped at the grass. I felt like screaming, but the pain in my chest made it hard to talk – to breathe.

I knew that it was from the stress and shock, but not the root of what was killing me, even though it was indeed my heart. I remained there for what seemed like forever, but what were only a few short minutes. I'd have to start moving soon, but where would I go?

**Watari…**

**He'd have shelter for you.**

**He'd take you in.**

**If L is there, he must know, he must be accepting.**

**For L's sake…**

How about my sake? I could hear Kira laughing in my ear. I got up to my feet and started walking, using as many back roads as possible. I'd have to go home and grab the card that Watari handed me. A blank card with a number on it, I was lucky that he even gave me one. He acted as though he hated me, not that I blamed him if L had told him all about Kira.

_L..._

**Ne, his lips were soft…**

I stabled myself against the nearest tree, my eyes closed – cheeks flushed, that kiss…

**That kiss, yes. I refuse to wash the taste from our memory, or the feeling. Who knew that he tasted as good as the sweets he eats.**

"He loves sweets," I murmured to myself, surprised. How could I have known that?

**Are you starting to remember him now? The pale detective, with black raven hair, and cold onyx eyes, do you remember more than the hatred, but the love you beard for him?**

"Ai…" I breathed, my hands on my knees, breathing deeply. "… I loved him?"

**Does your heart feel like love was a dramatic choice of words…Using your pure heart that has not sinned and take everything that you know about L, about Ryuuzaki. Do you not love him, this creature, this angelic monster, if that's what you see him as. Allow yourself to be open to me, let me inside to show you.**

"I'm not sure if I want to see." I sank down to my knees, my back against the tree, as I stared ahead into the dark, which grew darker as I did this. How could I open myself up more, what was the method to doing so?

**Just accept it, the images that I will show you, the haunting experience of it, and the pain.**

L said that I have to die; Kira said that I'd have to die, and Ryuuzaki. In order to replace the balance, I would have to die. The balance of life was what L wanted, but saving L was what Kira wanted. L wants me to die, to just die, but Kira wants me to first obtain the notebook to save L before dying. If I was going to die, then I wouldn't leave this world without saving someone.

I wanted to become part of the law, right? I'd do the right thing, I'd save him.

I closed my eyes and silently to myself, I told Kira that I was ready. I'd remember who it was that I loved. And when those moving memories came towards me, I could feel the violent urge to scream. It felt like my head was splitting open. Each wave of emotion caused my body to spasm. I was Kira. My hands, my hands were stained. I wiped at them, but the red remained, the crimson mockery. Then, the blissful peace of L came.

I could hear his voice like an echo, dripping calm rain into my subconscious. My wrist burned from the memory of the shackles. I hated him. I was against him. I didn't want him to know that I was Kira, I couldn't let him. I became close to him, to kill him. To kill him…

Gasping, I was on my back, jerking – my hands on my head, wanting it to stop. The notebook flashing in and out of focus, the names countless, pages after pages filled. I felt less and less like myself the more he revealed who I truly was, or who I was before, and how it had lead to L's death. But L was patient and precise, he knew that he was going to die, and he accepted it, but why?

The rain and the building, where we had met in my dreams! He was down on his knees and drying me off, the droplet of rain that fell from his hair rolled off the side of my foot and I nearly jolted. I could feel it, as my hand felt for it, to seize it from going any further, burning me. Watari was the first to die. L's small voice gripping at me, the clatter of his spoon hitting the floor brought on an agonized sob. I knew what was coming.

And his death, I could hardly stand it.

"Stop it!" I rolled over onto my stomach, the grass ripped from between my fingers, my mouth falling open, but I couldn't scream. The fragile human in my arms, was the only man that could have stopped me then, that could have saved me, and I had smirked at him, as his eyes closed. I shook him with fake regret, with careless – yet overjoyed robust.

**At the time, I had felt powerful, like no one could stand in my way. But I have learned something. I missed L more than having the power to judge others. And along the way, I have watched, and learned something else, something vital. If you write down L's name, then he can't die before the first estimated time is written. Will you save him...**

"Yes…" I picked myself up from the ground, looking through the thick trees in my way, able to see my house. "I'll do it."

**Heh… You really are a lot like me.**

* * *

**End of Chapter.  
I wonder if this going well. **


	6. Blue Pigeon

**Disclaimer: **Do not own Death Note or any of the characters.

**Note: **This is Alternate Universe. If you see that some things are off, it's because AU offers the ability to change everything, even the setting, which I will not. This is another life, in which Light keeps relating to his past life, which was his life as Kira.

- Also, I was skeptical about posting. I don't know if it's good... I'm always my worst critic.

* * *

_To dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation._

* * *

**  
yaoi loveing wolf:** Thank you! and Yes, it is sad!

**Tora S. Kitsune:** Thank you! I'm sorry that it's sad. I'll try to add comedy, though I doubt it's possible.

**runwithskizzers:** I'm glad you think so and Thank you. Yes, more right now!

**moonlit dew:** Whoa, I never blushed so many times, while reading a review. Thank you, it felt really nice. I hope I don't disappoint you!

**Ladyblue17:** I'm sorry ! And Thank you for reviewing.

**SonokoTao: **I'm aware of the actual 23 day rule, but because the story is Alternate Universe, I've chosen not to apply it. Thank you for reviewing.

* * *

**Broken Sparrow**

by **Miss Odzy**

06: _Blue Pigeon_

"So, as this kiss falls to the ground, he'll shoot across this swollen sky."

I turned on my desk light and found the card on the floor next to the phone, ironically. I kept my room in a messy chaotic, yet organized state. And I could hear Kira tsking at me, seeing the clutter with my eyes, as he berates me. Apparently, we weren't so much alike. And this had me smiling triumphantly.

**How could you possibly live like this?**

"Won't be doing it for much longer," I breathed out, while punching the number into my cell phone and storing it, before pressing SEND. I had to be quiet in the silent house. The walls were thin and you could hear anyone's conversations if you tried hard enough, though the walls were meant to block out the sound of trains. Glad that was put to some justice.

He picked up, I could immediately identify the calm voice, "Yagami Light, I didn't expect you to call at such a late hour. How many I help you?"

"Shelter…" I said, while sitting down on my bed for what could have been the last time. Was I really willing to give up everything? It was all about to be taken from me anyway. Could I really believe in this life? It wasn't mine from the start, but someone else's to play with. I was reborn to help save L, but as much as I knew L, I didn't. "Can I please use your facilities for only a short while? My time is almost up. I had to escape from the hospital to make this possible. Watari-san, I'm very sick and I could use your help and assistance."

He said it in a voice that was all too easy, "Very well. I'll make preparations for your stay. Until then, please pack some clothing and meet me at the place where we first met."

"Hai…" I heard the phone on the other line disconnect and my hand, while shaking – placed my cell phone back in my pocket.

**I told you it would work. This reincarnation of L must know a lot, seems how L doesn't mind keeping his memories hidden, of course 'Ryuuzaki' already knows everything. I suppose it's for the better. It'll be easier to deal with everyone this way. They already know. Who you are and who I am.**

"You're the killer and I am just another victim to you." I turned off my light after packing and closed my window behind me, my fingers clinging to the wall. I had many steps to take, careful ones, in order to reach the bottom safely. I should just jump and end it all. Oh, the dramatics. My heart was panicking when the lights in my room turned on and instinctively, I looked in.

**Okaa…**

"…san." I finished, as I watched my mother slowly walk around my room, as if dead – her face expressionless, in a deep trance.

She touched her fingers along my bed and sat down gently, the bed sinking beneath her. Her eyes took in my room, as if she hadn't seen it before, coming in to gather laundry or to wake me, we had been living in the house since I was first born, she knew how everything looked already, but what she seemed to be doing, was savoring the bit of life that remained in the room.

"In through the window, a moonbeam comes. Little gold moonbeam with misty wings, all silently creeping, it asks, 'Is he sleeping, sleeping and dreaming while mother sings?'" She smiled, which broke instantly, her voice no longer maintained, but filled with tears and sorrow. The lullaby she used to sing would be tranquil and vibrant, in her soft voice that made everything safe and relaxed. "But sleep little pigeon and fold your wings. Little blue pigeon with mournful eyes; Am I not singing? Am I not swinging, swinging the nest where my darling lies."

I closed my eyes. The end of the song would be our only departure. I could leave her like this, couldn't I? I'd have to find the strength. Turning my back on her, on everyone was harder than just simply doing it. The voice in my head kept telling me that this is what I wanted the most and that it would set me free. I didn't have any reason to believe Kira, but I did. It was incomprehensible and I realized that I'd go through with it, my legs moving through the wet grass,

How befitting, it had started to rain.

**She really hasn't changed. Nostalgic, ne?**

I ignored him and willed myself not to turn around. I wouldn't do that to myself, in fear of going home. I was scared to be honest, scared of dying. I hadn't lived yet, I was doing well. How long had I been sick and not knowing it? This wasn't a coincidence, so perhaps I had never been sick, until recently. Would it be quick or painful? I played with the thought, becoming bitter. Perhaps, I'd die of a heart attack?

**You're sick. So, natural causes of course.**

"Being sick isn't natural."

**I wasn't expecting you to grow up being like this. You're too moral. You're not seeing where I'm coming from at all, and yet we are of the same person. I'm doing what's right and by doing that, you have to die, that's just how it is. We need to ensure that L will have enough years on him. It's part of the deal, and you'd rather die, than L or Ryuuzaki, I can feel it, so don't try fooling me.**

"Fooling you won't be necessary," I laughed, stepping into a puddle, and standing there. This is the place where Watari and I exchanged words. He should be here soon, then what?

**They have some of my belongings, one of them an ordinary notebook, but within the notebook, is a single page with a single word, that would only make sense to me. It should say, 'Escape'. That word alone is the key to where the notebook is, though I have written it in a certain way. It's a map that you will use to navigate and find the notebook's whereabouts.**

Another laugh, "You can't just let the image of the map appear in my head or just tell me where it is, or guide me through it?"

**I'm afraid not. There is a reason for your reincarnation, Light. Don't put it to waste**.

"And where will I be navigating?" I looked around, still no sign of Watari.

**The island of Yakushima… south of Kyushu…**

Laughing seemed to be the only thing I could do. He expected me to get on a boat and actually find this notebook, using a map out of the words, 'Escape'. He was nuts, hell, I AM nuts. I shook my head.

**You're making me dizzy.**

"Oh, I am so sorry." I shook my head profusely now and of course, with my luck, I had failed to notice the black car pulling up smoothly along the curb. Now I know I'm insane and Watari was probably questioning my stability.

I cleared my throat, "Thank you for coming."

He gave a silent nod and opened the door for me. He took my bag and actually closed my door, being a gentleman. This is the guy that hated me or still does, even if he did, it would be hard to notice it now.

**He hates me for killing L, he's been told the tale, and has casted his own theory on it. He thinks you might have the same motives as I did and that you'll try to kill L once again. Though, I'm not sure what he'd think we'd benefit from that. Why would we?**

I am going to kill L, not now, but in the future, at a long lived – decrepit age, he will die by my doing. He has every right to dislike me, to hate me, him – being the father figure and me, being the soon to be murderer. Hell, you even killed Watari, I'm sure he knows about that too, except I'm not killing him, and I refuse to, I refuse to do this entire ordeal, and yet I am forced to do so, just like I am forced to die. This deal you made, I hope it's worth it.

**You won't be disappointed. I've had decades to think about this, and decades where I remain, happen every minute in the human world. The hell I have subjected myself to, has given me time to think and to atone myself. I want to do the right thing this time. It's fine if you don't want to believe me, but this is the only way I know how to seize the amount of guilt that I have, to bear the mess I have made**.

Good, because you take all of the credit for this, and for the upcoming heartache.

"We're here," he informed me, while once again opening the door for me and getting my bag out from the trunk, carrying it, even when I insisted that he didn't have to, and proceeded through the building. It was rather tall with an obnoxious amount of surveillance cameras and metal detectors.

Was this it? I thought, sarcastically, was that all?

So many obstacles just to get to Ryuuzaki.

**Always and never underestimate him.**

That's something that I already knew, getting the vibe from within my dreams, feeling him no matter where I was, even now. Watari and I had little to say to each other, as he showed me my room and placed the bag down on my bed, going over the typical rules and informing me that there would be a camera in my room. I wasn't surprised to see the medications on my bedside table.

"I understand what kind of illness you're dying from, but there is nothing that can treat it, but those will help lessen the pain and discomfort." And this was the man that Kira had killed.

I paused when he turned away, awkwardly and unsure on how to say 'thank you' to someone who wouldn't believe it or accept it, "It's fine…"

"Will there be anything else?"

"And sorry."

"I keep forgetting that you're not him, Yagami-san. And for that, I'm sorry, too." He turned, while resting his hand on the doorknob, "Ryuuzaki said that he wished he could have met you."

I smiled, a kind – sad smile, "I wouldn't mind meeting him, too."

His return smile had told me everything. And I didn't understand why he trusted me and I didn't understand why he was leading me to where Ryuuzaki was. I didn't question it and just simply followed. He wasn't staying far from me and who knew if that was coincidence or not. I wasn't compelled to question the man, while he was being generous towards me and allowing me to have this amount of freedom.

**He's not doing this for you. You can already tell, can't you? He wants to experiment, to see how you'll react, and what you'll do. Perhaps, he's waiting for Ryuuzaki to wake up from his endless slumber. But it doesn't depend on that, Light. It depends on when L is willing to let him go.**

The door opened, revealing a stream of pale light. There was a singular bed placed in the center of the room. The walls white and I recognized it as just another ordinary hospital room, except being a room inside a building, and sheltering one of the most intriguing humans to exist: The person that's haunted me in my dreams and his living reincarnation, which I was pained not to find a single difference in features.

Milky white skin contrasted vibrantly against the white sheets. His lips were pale and eyes shadowed with dark rings – due to lack of sleep. Raven black hair came down in sharp layers, resting across his left eye, the rest of the dark strands spread along the pillow. I felt just as Watari did at that moment, longing for the detective to wake up. There was much needed to be said and so much to do. I was dying and he wasn't sleeping, but sinking.

I'd have to sleep.

**As much as we can't afford it, I see no other choice.**

I felt captivated, as I slowly reacted, tearing my gaze from the bed, to the door.

Returning to those dreams again, I will answer to both, and hopefully, he'll wake.

* * *

**  
End of Chapter**.  
Thanks!


	7. Awoken

**Disclaimer:** Death Note is not mine. It's fiction.

**Note:** This is Alternate Universe. If you see that some things are off, it's because AU offers the ability to change everything, even the setting, which I will not. This is another life, in which Light keeps relating to his past life, which was his life as Kira.

- Also, I was skeptical about posting. I don't know if it's good... I'm always my worst critic.

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_  
To dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation._

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**yaoi loveing wolf:** You shall have to wait and see! Thank you for reviewing!

**Koumoritos:** Thank you I'm very happy that you think so! I shall update super soon. Like now soon!

**Ladyblue17: ** Heckyes you love it. Thank you.

**moonlit dew:** I'm in love with you and your long reviews, that let me know that you understand everything completely. And that you felt that the part with Light's mom was completely needed. Thank you. Stop being amazing.

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**Broken Sparrow**

by **Miss Odzy**

07: _Awoken_

___"If I could pull from these bones, the songs my heart cries for you, then you won't be alone."_

When I had finally closed my eyes for sleep, it was like it took only a second, as I found myself stumbling on top of the same building as always. My legs remained planted, waiting for the harsh wind to blow, but it never came. There was rain, but it didn't touch me, I knew it was cold, but didn't reach me. Every dream I had from last week, until now – had become different from before.

Something was missing. L wasn't here. I walked around in the barren empty building, finding nothing. The couch in the surveillance room now preoccupied. The symbolization was what? That I couldn't feel anything without L? Or perhaps this meant that Ryuuzaki was finally awake. It was possible for him to go in and out of heavy dreaming; at least, that's what I've read.

I stared at the floor, ignoring the translucent shape forming into a defined apparition of myself. Kira was standing before me and I didn't have the courage to meet his eyes, or to see his face. I only wanted to see L.

**Light, once you've seen him, you must do something to startle him awake.**

What happens if I wasn't strong enough or if I couldn't touch him, I couldn't help anyone, couldn't help myself? And now I try, harder than anyone just to reach out towards a light that was starting to grow dim, as I was starting to die. How could there be happiness afterwards, how could there be an opening in the absolute dark tunnel, Kira's guilt – my guilt.

If I couldn't save Ryuuzaki, if I couldn't save L, if I couldn't save myself, then what would happen to me, to them, to all of us? In what way would restoring the balance change everything?

"Kira," I whispered, still afraid to look up, afraid that if I had looked, that I would soon disappear and I'd return to the back of my subconscious, as he would take control. In a way, I preferred that, because he knew what he was doing. "The more you remain here with me, the more I start remembering everything. You had shown me glimpses, but now I'm starting to feel everything, that morose feeling. The bitter taste of guilt is impossible to swallow."

"Guilt for what," his voice was stronger than mine, far more maintained. And this time, I had looked at him, and much to my dismay, he was exactly like me. It was like staring into a mirror except his eyes were of a different color, instead they were topaz, almost golden, where mine were only a light brown.

He smirked at me, while reaching his hand out, and grasping my face to look up at him, "Are you afraid?"

My voice trembled, I wasn't afraid of what he was thinking, only failure would be what I would fear, but I didn't fear dying, "No."

In his eyes there was a spark, a light that he didn't seem to notice, but only I could. I wondered what it was, until it became more noticeable, the light orbs danced and turned into a million white glowing pieces, and it defied human logic and yet made it make sense. Everyone has their opinion of angels. They could come and go as they pleased, gone in an instant, and graceful.

I waited for Kira to see what was shining in my eyes. It was bright enough to fill the empty room full of light, but he continued to stare at me, oblivious to the now slouching figure, which was L. I couldn't understand. I prayed and I wished that L would be sent back to Heaven, and that he would not be trapped and stuck in this hellish nothing-less world that I had built, that Kira had built.

"You can play that thought over and over in your head," Kira's voice turned cold, as the orbs withdrew and L turned back into pieces. The light was gone and the hurt was still there, I was no longer transfixed, as he continued, "…but L can't go back to Heaven yet, he can't, and he won't until the deal is complete."

"Deal…"

What I had seen was something that I had created from my mind. In dreams, you could sometimes control what you're seeing and what you're doing. I had been focusing on L for too long and eventually imagined him coming to us, but I didn't know how he would appear, but I knew that L had been an angel, and then thought of how an angel would appear before me, in a shape – in pieces.

"The God of the Shinigami realm has presented me with an offer. As you may know, the Death Note has many rules, one being that the person must die within a 23 day period. Our plan wouldn't work if that were the case and the actions would have changed, our entire route would have changed. That is why in exchange, I have chosen to become a Shinigami. Another, less practical form of a God of Death, but in order for me to serve him for an eternity, I have to sacrifice my human self."

"He has made a single exception to the 23 day rule, that it would not apply to L, and that I could write whatever I pleased involving his person in the Death Note. You have been reborn for a few purposes: One, to find the notebook and write L's name down and Two, to die and give up the rest of your years to L. You'll most likely return to me, and become a part of me, where you belong."

"Buried into the deepest and blackest part of you," I sighed out, not wanting to believe in any of this, that this was all just another dream, but it was real, and beyond any human comprehension. I knew that in the end that it would be something like this and that I wouldn't have a choice, but to do it. It felt right and at the same time, it wasn't fair and it was wrong. I hoped that the real God, the one that was pure, would do something to sort everything out, and I wondered if he too, had abandoned me.

"Yagami-kun," the cool soft voice turned even the darkest of blasphemy into something warm and soothing, "…you shouldn't think those things. In the place where I have spent an eternity in, God was a presence that mystified and struck me, to the point where I couldn't feel angry and couldn't regret. He's an ominous being who works in ways that I'm not able to tell you."

I turned to see Kira, but he was gone, back to hiding deep inside my head. And just as I looked back towards the voice, L was there. There was no smile, not even when he spoke of Heaven, but no expression at all.

"I didn't feel any of these awful feelings while being in Heaven. And when you die, you will experience what I had felt. For Kira couldn't condemn all of his victims to this empty and meaningless existence." He paused, looking up above my head, and traveled down, "You're glowing, could it be because you're very close to dying, Yagami-kun?"

**You must startle him awake.**

"I am going to die." I stared at him, into the dark pools of his eyes. The hatred I felt for him started to flare once more, but it wasn't in my heart, I didn't hate him, it was the last thing I could feel for him, for anyone, except for myself. "I'm going to restore the balance of life and death. I'm sending you back to where you belong and where I belong."

Ryuuzaki will go back to L, as I would go back to Kira.

"Ryuuzaki and I are just remnants." I took a step forward, having to close my eyes, and try hard not to think about what I'm about to do. He silently called my name, but I blocked him out completely. He was close enough to touch, close enough to kill, and close enough to taste. Breathing him burned, touching him stung, and tasting him devastated my senses all together – numbing me.

I felt him stiffen, as I pinned him against the nearest wall and if I kept my eyes closed, then I wouldn't have to see his eyes, those eyes that held no passion and no life. My lips against his could have proclaimed a thousand apologies. I am sorry for doing this. If I take L's air away, then I take away Ryuuzaki's air, and he will wake from the lack of it. There will be panic, he will need to breathe.

But my impulses told me to kiss him without the conviction, without the intentions of waking him, it merely fit my logic. My lips burned – true, but not kissing him felt worse, as I had been thinking about doing this over again. Just as my tongue parted his lips, so unwilling – without reservation, I stole kiss after kiss. His fingers twisted in his white sleeves, knuckles turning white, as I continued to breathe in his air, and steal it away.

I almost wished he wouldn't wake up, so I could remain here like this, to be selfish like this, only needing his presence, his lips. They're soft and warm, and his breath is cold or perhaps scorching, but burned to the point where it felt cool, and there was a rightness that we couldn't avoid, and perhaps he had felt it, too. But I doubted it, for Ryuuzaki never came, but the point of the gentle, yet dangerous friction had served its purpose.

He was ripped away from me.

* * *

I gasped, shooting into an upright position, the beads of sweat on my forehead indicating that I had been dreaming for only a short while, and was restless. My eyes widened, as I felt at my lips, remembering what had just happened. Trembling, I tore off the sheets and made my way down the hall, stopping in front of Ryuuzaki's door. I debated on getting Watari, but then decided against it, not wanting to make it a false alarm. He didn't deserve to be deceived.

Slowly, the door opened and gently tapped the wall behind it, as one foot went after the next, my heartbeat in my ears, beating so loudly. The white walls making the body on the bed look paler than it was. He was quivering and shaking, but his eyes remained closed. The hope in me faltered and swayed discouragingly, as I placed my hand against the side of his face. He was burning up.

On instinct, I ran into the bathroom – filling the tub up with cold water.

I needed ice, my mind was screaming at me. Get ice, but I could only think of water.

**He experiences more pain than you do, while dreaming, ne? I wonder why that is…In any case, I think you better call for Watari. He wouldn't like seeing your hands on his adopted son.**

"There's no time!" I went back inside the room and wrapped my arms around him, hearing him gasp at the contact of our skin. Mine was practically freezing in comparison. I couldn't stop him from shaking and it frightened me. I should have told Watari, but I ignored it, bringing the limp body to the bathroom, and gently lowering him into the ice cold water.

At first, his body protested, as he arched up. He was awake, but had yet to open his eyes. His teeth chattering, lips a dark red, and face a ghostly white. My arms reached in, wrapping around him from behind and holding his back against the tiles, one arm along his collarbone and the other around his chest. But to no avail, he wouldn't stop shivering,

"Ryuuzaki," I was speaking against his ear, his hisses of pain hitting me, and I had started to regret waking him. "Come on, stay with me."

"Raito," he moaned, as the water splashed. He tried to gain control of the shaking and spasms. After what seemed like forever, his heart started to slow down, and his body calmed, as he sank down into the water, and his head fell to the side, asleep from the struggle, from the fever. I wasn't worried this time, knowing that he'd wake up, no longer in a coma.

His voice played over and over again. My name, Raito, coming from his lips, did he believe in me? I wondered if it were possible for him to feel safe with me, considering what I had done to him, perhaps not in this life, but the last.

**The boy feels more than you know.**

"Don't tell me that."

**Just an observation…**

I grabbed the sheets from the counter and returned to him, pulling him out from the water, his white clothing clinging to him – uncomfortable most likely. Just when I laid him down on the bed, the door slammed open. It was Watari, of course. He looked confused at first, and then angry – livid. I didn't think it were possible for this certain person to feel any sort of anguish or hatred for anyone, even Kira.

"He woke up… but he had a dangerously high fever, so I placed him inside the tub, it all happened quickly." There was no answer, as he came over towards the bed, checking Ryuuzaki's pulse. "I was about to get you. He needs a new change of clothes and new bedding."

"Leave us."

I didn't feel the need to, but my mind told me that in order to gain trust from Watari, that I'd have to respect his wishes and leave, but my legs wouldn't move. I was reeling from the impulse, to tell him how I felt, that the lack of trust he had in me was an insult and that I had been the one to save Ryuuzaki, that I was going to be the one to save L, but then the image of Watari dead on the floor struck my memory, like a cruel thorn that had twisted in my side.

That's the only reason why I turned my back on Ryuuzaki, on L, and retreated to my room. Both angry and rejected, and most of all, worried. I wanted to watch as Ryuuzaki's eyes awoken with alertness, I wanted to see if his eyes were as dark and oppressive as L's were. I needed to see L alive.

**This should be interesting. What you'll do, what you'll say. This life is starting to become better than my last, by far.**

Ryuuzaki…

**L…**

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******End of Chapter**.  
How's it going so far?


	8. Confrontational Bliss

**Disclaimer:** Death Note is not mine. It's fiction.

**Note:** This is Alternate Universe. If you see that some things are off, it's because AU offers the ability to change everything, even the setting, which I will not. This is another life, in which Light keeps relating to his past life, which was his life as Kira.

- Also, I was skeptical about posting. I don't know if it's good... I'm always my worst critic.

* * *

To dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation.

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**Important Note:** The second and third half might be difficult to understand, so let me explain a little. The second half takes place when Light has no memory of the Death Note and thinks himself to be innocent and yet is still under suspicion of being Kira.

**Another Note**: It's good to see everyone favorite and alert my story. When I get three replies and seven alerts, I know that people are enjoying the story, so, thank you.

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**  
Que pasa: **Thank you! I'm really glad that you're enjoying it. I hope I don't disappoint you. I really hope not. Thanks for taking the time to review.

**moonlit dew: **I have to brace myself for your reviews, because after reading your reviews, is when I start writing. It's pretty serious. I listened to the Milk song and it was really pretty, I really enjoyed it, and you're right. It is mindblowing. I used it to write this chapter, so thank you! And actually, you shall get your wish, there is tons of L x Kira in this chapter. And Watari... So amazing lol I love him. But I love you, because these reviews from you, Kick my ass. Thank you.

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****

Broken Sparrow

by **Miss Odzy**

08: _Confrontational Bliss  
_

"_Blank tonight, waiting for a way to leave, waiting for a way to live."_

I was startled awake from another dream and this one had been dreamless. Ryuuzaki wasn't dreaming, therefore, there was nothing left to dream. At least I knew that he was awake. But why had I woken up? I looked around the empty room, my eyes adjusting to the darkness. It was sometime during the night and I didn't particularly care about what time it actually was, as I kept my back facing the alarm clock. Next to the alarm clock were the medications that Watari acquired to make me feel more comfortable, but it didn't.

I felt strange now; like a part of me was weakening, but my confidence, focus, and my overall determination to save L couldn't be swayed. If I was going to die, I was going to die doing something for another, someone that I felt this strongly for. He was the person that I had killed and loved at the same time. How strange it was, to be damned by yourself, for doing something so wicked. I was being punished for a sin that I had no recollection of, and would never do in this life.

**L…**

**I want to see him…**

**Again…one last time…**

I felt it, my veins burning – housed with liquid fire.

I wanted to see L, too.

One last time seemed like forever. And the Kira in me smirked, and then sighed, an oddly tranquil sigh of relief. I would let him in. This was his last time, even if he didn't deserve it, I would let him in. Another sigh, as the moments went by us, and my mind was thinking about what would happen to me, once I've let him have control. He was reading me, knowing everything there is to know, my fears and my doubts, and yet the overwhelming sense of rightness.

_Light…_

I closed my eyes and once upon opening them, I was back into the dark subconscious of my mind. A dimension of nothingness and yet, I was still me, inside my body, walking as if I normally would, but not feeling the same and not doing as I wished. I thought I'd be pushed aside, unable to see from perspective few. But once Kira opened the door, his hand twisting the cool knob, I was certain that this would be alright. I could feel and I could see.

_Kira, what will you do, once you've seen L?_

I drew my legs up to my chest and gently placed my head down, my eyes kept closed. It was better to control it this way, if I kept my eyes closed.

"**I don't know."**

I stopped in front of the door to L's room, my eyes watching as everything unfolded. There wasn't a gentle knock. Kira didn't feel the need, for his thirst for being reunited, the thirst for being able to touch him once more, overtook each action. I wasn't sure on what I was feeling, but that fire was burning once again. It felt forbidden, like I was about to cross a danger zone, as if to say that I should turn around, but my heart and my mind didn't belong to me, they were Kira's as of the moment, though his feelings were very near to my own.

Ryuuzaki wasn't asleep. He was very much awake and propped up against the pillows. There was an empty dull look in his eyes, not like what I saw in Ryuuzaki's eyes, but in L's, and once I knew what was happening, I felt my body shiver. The aura wasn't of Ryuuzaki's, but of L's, the blue glow remaining against alabaster skin, pale against unruly jet black hair. The circles around his eyes were unnatural and I wondered if it truly was from sleep deprivation.

I could feel Kira's smile turn into a thin line, he was frowning.

"L."

"Kira."

There was a long pause between us, his black eyes and my trembling fingers. That fiery liquid told me to reach out for him, but I refrained. He looked at my hands, before meeting my eyes, his face of indifference mocking me, mocking Kira. He placed his thumb nail between his teeth and bit down, chewing as he scrutinized me, his knowing smile catching me off guard, as my mouth fell open, but Kira's words came out instead of mine:

"L…" I grasped the detective's wrist, pulling his hand away from his mouth, "…I'm sorry, but You're going to live through this at least once more."

* * *

Something had happened, just as I had reached to a certain point, the room had changed. I wasn't where Kira was, I was in my mind – roaming around, Kira's memories flooding me, just like my memories would flood him, now it was my turn. The scary part was just how real it was. Where was I? I looked around. It looked like another hotel suite inside the building I continuously dreamt about. Outside claimed to be nighttime and it was clearly winter, as my eyes strained on the snowflakes falling.

"White wine…" I jumped, not expecting to see L there, as I laughed out shakily. "You scared me…" He smiled back at me, his eyes making me look away, suddenly overcome by blushing. My feelings and thoughts were no longer mine, as I naturally fell into the role of who Kira was and what had happened, the events falling into place. Blushing seemed to be a new attribute I acquired while being around L. It couldn't be healthy, to always become embarrassed or shy. That's not really who I was. No, I was stronger than this; more mature and ready to have my first sip of wine.

"Hai, I'll have a glass."

He extended his hand to me, as I reach over and take the glass from him, turning once my lips touch the liquid, my eyes squeezing shut. I winced, licking the taste off of my lips. Why was I hoping that it would be sweeter? I take a long sip this time, drinking enough not to be rude for drinking none at all, as I placed the nearly empty glass down and quietly thank him. That was terrible and I'll make sure not to try it again, I vowed to myself, hands falling forward onto the table, suddenly dizzy.

"That's the rush of alcohol," he mused, watching me carefully, as he comes around the table and gently grabs my shoulders, walking me towards the bed and sitting me down. "Was that your first time drinking something bitter? Was this the first New Year's Eve spent with someone worth spending time with, Yagami-kun?"

The room comes back into focus, my eyes on the white of his shirt, before trailing up to his lips. Curvy and teasing, so very inviting - I wanted him. My thoughts were a jumbled mess, unable to think clearly, while forcefully pulling him down, and crushing my mouth against his, throwing all inhibitions out the window. I was needy, grasping onto him, pulling at his clothes, these barriers between us.

_Please, accept me._

"Please…" I murmured, trailing my fingers down the length of his shirt, stopped when his hand rests on top of mine. His tone calm, despite everything that I've done to him, aggravating him with my lack of information on the Kira case, trying to get him back into the mood of solving the case itself, he's still calculated, "If you give yourself to me, Yagami-kun, then you'll have to give me everything."

"Yes."

His eyes grew dark, that same arrogant smile in place, as he leans down – nipping at my bottom lip, as his body settles above me, pinning my wrists down to the bed. His hips, as feminine and tiny as I thought they were, ultimately deceived, as they moved in sensual circles, grinding against me, as he continued to bite at my flesh, his teeth grazing over the line of my jaw, sucking in the thin inches of flesh. The pain from our friction was startlingly pleasing, as I eagerly arched up to meet him each time.

_Why did I want so badly to feel, so suddenly…_

I shuddered, feeling the soft fabric from his gloves, claiming to be cold earlier – now brushing over my skin, as he closes his fingers around my neck, squeezing gently – his lips covering my mouth before I could hesitate, bringing my arms down to feel his bare skin, his fingers at my shirt, ripping the buttons open, the sounds loud in the quiet room. I sat up, pulling his shirt up and over his head, his laughter against my ear, "Ten-percent."

"P-Please, don't…" I gasped between breaths, his mouth devouring my skin. I hated when he claimed me to be Kira.

I raised my hips up, letting him slide my jeans down, his fingers hooked in my boxers, leaving me exposed under his scrutiny. He was carefully muscled, his skin the color of ivory, contrasting greatly to how tan I was naturally, even in the winter. The silk from the bedding was slipped from beneath me and into the air, fluttering down on us, casting shadows on the walls, dancing - as the light from the fireplace illuminated the spacious area.

It was the heat that only I seemed to create. He was cold. His mouth moved over my skin, as his hands became more familiar with my body, hands sliding over each curve and crevice, pinching and grabbing. He made it clear that I was to only feel and not touch, as I laid back, my body on edge, and left wanting the more the more he was being playful. He pulled his gloves off with his teeth, letting his bare hand trail beneath my abdomen, and lower.

"Your skin is warm," he spoke lowly to me, moving his fist in a slow, precise rhythm. My body flushed of color, chest constricting with each breath. He was an adroit lover, talented and skillful. Someone I was desperately clinging to, finding myself dependant of him and in need, I was grasping on to this piece of life. Alive was what I was; being played beneath his fingers, out of breath, panting to be enriched with what he had to offer me.

"You are Kira and you know this, don't you? I can feel it, you can feel it..." He sighed, his voice turning into one of indifference, yet amused with himself. I didn't understand what he was saying, as far as I knew, I was innocent, and the more he accused me, the more it aggravated me, but the detective would never know how much I respect him. How much I cared for him. "Yagami-kun, I need you to turn over."

Obediently, I did as told, being the submissive, as I always am. In this life, I liked to do the right thing, do the things that I was told to do. I begged him to please make it hurt. I deserved to be hurt for the sins he thinks I've committed, to be without a soul and to bleed. I never sipped a glass of wine, never deceived my parents, and never once did I give myself to selfish pleasure. Until now, I've wanted no one more than this. I felt that I was under a spell, because there was no fear or doubt. I wanted him.

Those lips, my leg trembled – almost unable to support me, as his hand continued torturous ministrations. His mouth drifted over the knots of my spine, using his other hand to spread my legs wider. My hands went forward onto the pillows, as I closed my eyes tightly, feeling his tongue pushing past resisting muscle, my body shaking, inexperienced, and not knowing how I should feel. I tried following his voice, telling me to relax, the sounds of his tongue moving, of his mouth sucking, his hand moving around me, the wet noises in the room causing me to blush deeply.

_I wanted to pass out from embarrassment._

I kept my eyes focused down on my necklace, the thin silver cross staring back at me; I was focusing on calming down. My nails digging into the sheets, as his fingers pushed in and out of me, his lips swollen, still kissing at my skin, adoring me - going up the curve of my back. I sighed out; my breathing even more uneven than it was before. If I didn't have L now, I felt like I never would.

My body felt at loss when he pulled back, his belt whisking past the back of my thighs, as he tugged it from the loops of his pants. The zipper was loudly trailed down, button open as he pulled his boxers down off of his hips. His hands rested on my lower back, sinking his short nails into my skin, leaning his body over me, watching my expression, as he suddenly slammed forward into me, making me cry out in pain. I was completely filled.

_Sin was surprisingly painful and pleasurable._

His pace wasn't accommodating, which I personally preferred. It felt good without a rhythm, to hear him in pleasure, to feel him. His hands roamed over my sides, grabbing hard, as he pulled me back against him, meeting his body each time he came forth, moans tearing from my throat. All of the warmth in the room seemed to consume me, my skin slipping from his fingers, and sticking to him.

It hurt to feel this good, as he slowly pulled out, and slammed forward, doing this several times, causing me to whimper pathetically. My legs sprawled – arms flat on the bed, my breath hot against the sheets, murmuring breathlessly, incoherent even to myself, as our bodies continued to move as one in a blissful pattern now. The gentle breeze of cool air swept past the back of my neck, his breath was so lifeless. But his body was uncultivated, untamable.

The pleasure was blinding, as was the pain. He grabbed onto my wrists and held them down into the mattress. As long as he moved, as long as he didn't stop touching me, I couldn't care. This feeling, my heart beating hard against my chest – pressure had started to build up since the moment he touched me, my body squeezing him hard, as my release comes painfully, my insides burning when he lets go – his sharp teeth biting into the back of my shoulder, my body numb and unable to feel the pain until a moment later.

Gasping, I ripped the sheets down, in shock from the throbbing, "L!"

* * *

He didn't respond, just simply stared through me. His crooked smile turned back into an expressionless letdown. He couldn't feel, he couldn't live, and he couldn't die. He was my dead-living victim. My mind still calming from what I had just experienced through Kira. And I wanted so badly to cure him, to save him, and to hold him. I wondered if these were my feelings or Kira's now. I tried hard to fight the urge to react, to not grab him. I couldn't touch him, I couldn't feel him, and I wanted to die.

"Yagami-kun," He finally spoke, his voice lacking any enthusiasm. "You can't save me. You can't even save yourself. You listen to a man who has condemned me and has condemned you. He has given his soul to a reaper. I have lost faith in you."

_To save you_, my mind kept repeating_. I only wanted to save you._

"I'm not the one who needs saving." He didn't look away and soon, I was under the influence of him, drowning into the deep haunting gaze, falling away. The loss of my self control was apparent and he knew it, he knew exactly what I felt, because he felt it too, he was just better at concealing it.

"Do you remember…" He leaned his head up, meeting me halfway – as I begin kissing him slowly, as if to savor the last bit of my rationality. When was he going to push me off of him? I slammed his arms down once more, as he tried moving them, pushing my lower half against him, as I crawled onto the bed, moving up as he laid back, his sharp teeth felt acutely, as he nips and sucks at my lips. I didn't remember his kisses until now.

This _creature… _His eyes pierced right through me, his natural eye color undoubtedly dark brown, now looking up at me with grey and blue.

He sighed, becoming breathless. "I'll admit, Yagami-kun, I have missed this."

Tearing him apart was becoming the objective. His pajamas, the various buttons, the formidable bindings, the barriers between us, I tore at them. I needed them gone, until I was met with ivory skin. His shirt slid down past his shoulders, as I leaned forward to bite and nip at his flesh. He slowly rocked his hips up, creating friction at the most perfect angle, distracting me, while I let his arms go free. L was a force all on his own, as he traveled his fingers through my hair, urging me to continue with my ministrations, to continue to cause pain. His neck beneath my lips and fingers, half tempted to choke the life from him, but more focused on the warmth between us that only living beings could provide. Kira and L weren't living. Having him like this felt familiar, scaring me, to want something this badly, to want something I hated.

_Hai…_I hated him and loved him. But hate, hate, hate, my head kept repeating the more passionate he seemed to become, pulling my mouth back to his own, where he began to kiss me in a sensual manner, his tongue nudging my lips to part, teasing the velvety organ against mine, massaging playfully before he bites down, causing my body to tense. Momentarily, there was pain, the next it was missing, healed by his lips.

He hissed loudly, as my nails dug deeply into his bare thighs, leaving red marks in its wake. The line flared and soon faded. Even though, he didn't resist verbally, his body let me know of its purity. He could only enjoy it and I could only fall into it. Blissfully caught up in what was L. This deranged frustration, the onslaught of each thrust, the loud music consisting of breaths, loose gasps, moaning – the constant smack of skin meeting skin.

Now I knew why the pain between Kira and L was so great, or why my feelings for L and Ryuuzaki were just as deep.

L's deceiving lover, his murderous lover, and his charming and clever lover.

Kira and I were undoubtedly theirs, as they were ours.

* * *

End of Chapter.  
I was super shy about this chapter.  
Yikes.


	9. Yakushima Island

**Disclaimer: **Death Note is not mine. It's fiction.

**Note:** This is Alternate Universe. If you see that some things are off, it's because AU offers the ability to change everything, even the setting, which I will not. This is another life, in which Light keeps relating to his past life, which was his life as Kira.

- Also, I was skeptical about posting. I don't know if it's good... I'm always my worst critic.

* * *

_  
To dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation._

* * *

**  
yaoi loveing wolf: **Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

**moonlit dew: **Unfortunately, sometimes, while I overthink a line, I will repeat it and Word will not pick up on it, though it does usually. It'll come up as a mistake, how odd, huh? lol Thanks for telling me. Negative and positive feedback is always welcomed. Thank you for following this and for giving me fulfilling reviews, I do always look forward to them, so thank you.

**Straddle: ** Thank you!! My goodness. I'm really glad you're enjoying it and that you left me this review. It makes me feel a lot better, actually. Please, continue reading!

* * *

**Broken Sparrow**

by **Miss Odzy**

09: _Yakushima Island_

'_I still miss you now that you could kiss the clouds.'_

That morning, I had found myself waking up from a dreamless sleep. That only meant that Ryuuzaki hadn't gone to bed. After we had realized what our true selves had done, L and Kira, a cloud of apprehension and awkwardness had fallen down on us, and I had left – not wanting to, for the blush on Ryuuzaki's face had touched something – a feeling that I couldn't identify, but wanting to reunite it once again.

I could feel the aftereffect of last night, my body exhausted still, as I sat up and reached for the medication on the side table: The pain in my chest making it difficult to breathe in this morning, as I grew irrevocably closer to death. Luckily, I could move, as I walked to the bathroom and swallowed a handful of water, the pill going down. I hated being reduced to this, but today, I was going to find the Death Note.

**Confident, are we? I suppose with my help, it shouldn't be that hard to find.**

"You and L…" I murmured, while resting my back against the nearest wall. "You two were lovers, why didn't you tell me, or show me, rather."

**I didn't feel that it was necessary. What difference would that have made?**

And sadly, Kira had a point. Though, I wasn't prepared for the experience I had undergone. I wasn't even myself, but I was Kira, at a time that he had been innocent. I had only wanted L to accept me and yet, I had killed him in the end. I'd kill him today, I'd damn him, even though it would be only years later. But as much as I had damned him, I had damned myself, but to save him? Yes…

**I always kept that innocent part of myself. That is why I need to do this, as I realized what I've done to L, to Ryuuzaki, was completely inexcusable. Try being unable to escape those who have died by your own doing…**

**I'm no longer a person.**

**I'm no longer human.**

**But I am a monster.**

**And will soon become a reaper.**

"You did feel human though," I reminded him, while opening up the door and heading out into the living room, or what was supposed to be a living room, though the plentiful televisions declared otherwise.

**Hm… You're right. Thank you.**

I breathed, trying harder each time.

Ryuuzaki's standing figure reminded me of L, they were practically the same person, because L wouldn't have blushed. L can't blush, L was dead, and Ryuuzaki was the liveliness of his dead being. He was the quench of thirst that L could no longer sip, and he was the breath of air, that L would never be able to maintain, unless I do this.

"Ryuuzaki," He looked over when hearing his name called, he had been in a daze. I continued, while taking a few – precise steps closer, not wanting to scare him away, "You collected a notebook, when you went searching for answers. Ryuuzaki, I need to see it."

He bit at his nail, speaking – no, mumbling, "The plain notebook?"

"Yes, the plain notebook." But it wasn't plain, Ryuuzaki, in fact, it had the biggest piece of the puzzle hidden on one of the pages. He looked at me carefully, as if trying to read my thoughts, or possibly speaking with L inside his own. After a moment of long hesitation and indecision, he walked down the hallway, and proceeded to peak my interest.

He had nothing to fear by giving me a 'plain' notebook, so why was he being so careful with it?

**That's the L in him. He doesn't trust you. And he doesn't have to have a reason.**

He returned with the notebook, Kira letting me know that it was the exact one. I took it when he extended his hand and looked at it, judging it. This was the key to the treasure, hm? I flipped open the pages, looking for the 'escape' page, finding it. It was the only page written on and Kira had been right, it was written in an obtuse way, within it complicated designing. But I understood it as the shape of Yakushima.

**Very good…**

**I think it would be best for us to start now. We're running out of time. Your aura is flaring. And I could feel your breathing patterns dropping. It's hard for you, isn't it?**

"Ryuuzaki-"

"Can't I go with you?" He turned his back to face me, hiding himself, pretending to become interested in what was outside, when there was nothing particularly great about rainclouds and traffic. Like a child, he sounded so small. And I wanted to touch him, only to hold him.

If he went with me, then he'd see what I would have to do.

"I can't have you there." He let out a sigh, as he tilted his head to the side, looking at me. His eyes dark – like charcoal, black and fierce, his lips in a thin line, and I flinched, as if feeling the force from it physically. "I don't want you to see what happens."

"You're going to die, aren't you? That's why? Why not spend it with me…" These were the things that L would never say, or had he already? Had L said something, when he knew that he was about to die, and if so, what was it? What could I do? I can't allow Ryuuzaki to see me dead, or to watch me write his name down, his true name.

**If you want to see it so badly, I remember it as if it had just happened.**

My mind reeled and I felt myself falling, crashing down onto my knees. I couldn't hear the noise in the room, not Ryuuzaki's voice, nor the sound of the rain lightly patting on the window, not the air – nor anything. When I raised my head to look up, I saw the vision of L and Kira. They were soaked. And within a millisecond, the rain that had come from that point in time, struck me.

I could finally hear.

The walls appeared, and the rain was no longer pounding in my head. L was walking towards Kira, removing the towel from his wet strands of hair, and kneels down before him. My mouth fell opened, not understanding where this could be the moment where L realizes that Kira is about to kill him, or that he was about to die. He was drying off Kira's feet?

He flinched, surpressing a laugh – L's finger must've gone along the sole, I mused, knowing where I'm most ticklish, or perhaps it was from the drop of water that landed on my foot. I could feel it. Then, with the kind warmth that I recognized in my true self, I saw Kira reaching out with his towel and gently padding along L's head. His hair was still soaked. At this point in time, Kira still had sympathy for L?

"You and I will be parting ways soon."

My eyes widened, as L's voice rang loudly in my ear. You and I will be parting ways soon, he said. Just then, I was brought back to reality, the memory shattering before me, as Ryuuzaki's hand is placed on my shoulder, "Are you okay? You fell…"

"I'm fine," I was shaking my head, and already steadying myself against the table.

"L told me you'd die and he explained why, but," He couldn't continue, as he sat down in one of the many chairs in the room, his legs up – in a crouching position. I smiled, again intrigued by how much he and L are alike.

"There's nothing more precious then," I caught myself saying something so utterly true and fulfilling, the words that should have been said. I rephrased it, "…saving you is precious to me. And dying means nothing."

"I don't want you to die alone." I paused, standing in front of him. Even though his face was masked, no emotion showing on his face, his voice was powerful enough to reveal everything that he wants to show me. The sadness in his voice couldn't make me falter, I couldn't allow him to do this to me, I wouldn't regret this.

"That's not how I see it-" He cut me off, while wrapping his arms around me – like vines. His tall slender body melding against me, and it felt like he wasn't going to let go. He was comfortable and familiar, yet new – always new. And my heart, if only for a moment, feels better – I could breathe, while breathing him. My arms slowly reacted, going around his waist. I could feel it, that moment that feeling I wanted to reunite.

**I didn't realize that any of this would happen, you must realize.**

I didn't blame Kira, no – I wanted to thank him.

* * *

Yakushima island was made up of what any island would consist of: Trees and rivers. But they weren't any ordinary trees - they were fairly large, the many roots claiming the long age, the colors of the forest area were vibrant, and even though there was a fog, it was refreshing, to smell the scent of rain and wood. And the winding rooted trees looked mystical and fixating to see.

The flowers were of pink and white, blossoming full and the path that Kira had written down, was one full of sights. It was gorgeous, as was any road to destruction. But at least the long trip would be enjoyable. The rocks were covered with moss, and the dew from the grass started seeping through my pants. There was a glow coming from between the trees, green and glowing.

When I took in another breath of air, I knew that I was growing closer and closer to the river on the map. Beyond the few trees, of course – and when I reached there, I shortly rested. The water was cold in my hands and soothing, as I splashed the palm sized amount on my face.

"Light."

I took the small walky-talky out of my bag and answered Ryuuzaki, "Yes?"

"I've never been to Yakushima Island, how is it?" Ryuuzaki had insisted that I at least take a walky-talky, and that I was dropped off sufficiently and carefully. I told him that I'd rather walk through the forest alone, and that's when the walky-talky charade began. Incase I needed anything or if I was in danger, I'd have Ryuuzaki here as safety, even if he wasn't physically here in person.

The loss of him…

But the rebirth would be irreplaceable.

**You're almost there, Light, just a little further.**

"It's perfect," I said, while holding in a breath. I didn't want him to sense how weak I was growing, while in reality, I was just about ready to collapse.

"Perfect?" I could hear him smile, "I doubt there's such a thing."

We'll see…

**Stop.**

In front of me, twenty minutes past the river I had last stopped at, was a waterfall. I watched it flowing for awhile, staring into it. It wasn't large, but it was wide enough and long enough to transfix me, just like everything in my life – this forest. It's complicated and it's waiting, and it's filled with life, but also filled with death: This entire time and my entire life.

**Yagami Light…**

**The Death Note is hidden behind the Waterfall. There's a hole in the rock behind it, it's wrapped up in cloth. You'll need to swim and get it.**

"Swim and get it," I repeated, while expressionlessly staring at the rushing current and rough flow of the water. My weak, dying self would have to swim through that? I mused to myself, yes, there's no better time like the present. There was no better time to feel this way, no, there wasn't any fear, there could never be fear.

I walked in – my legs trudging through the water, until I was waist deep, and swimming through the cold, fresh water. My teeth were chattering and I felt my arms and legs growing numb. But there was no better time than the present; I reminded myself, while using full arm strokes. Swim and get it. I reached out – straining myself, my chest burning – as I heaved towards the rushing water.

And while it rushed downwards, the pull had taken me beneath the surface. The bubbles forming from my lips, as I tried breathing – gasping – as I rapidly moved forward, trying to grasp hold of the rocks. I couldn't. The wall was slippery, the green slime not in my favor, as I swallowed nothing, but water. My insides were aching and my legs kicking, but to no avail.

I didn't want to die this way.

Without doing anything… without saving anyone…

_Ryuuzaki…_

**What are you doing! Light…Wake up!**

It felt good, feeling this sleepy.

An open sea of darkness, that's what it felt like.

"Light!"

That was just a voice of an angel.

Perhaps now that I'm dead, L could find his place. Maybe that was L.

**Light…Breathe…**

"Breathe Light, please."

_Ryuuzaki. I'm so sorry._

* * *

**  
End of Chapter.**

Well, guys! Just one more chapter left!


	10. Broken Sparrow

**Disclaimer:** Death Note is not mine. It's fiction.

**Note:** This is Alternate Universe. If you see that some things are off, it's because AU offers the ability to change everything, even the setting, which I will not. This is another life, in which Light keeps relating to his past life, which was his life as Kira.

- Also, I was skeptical about posting. I don't know if it's good... I'm always my worst critic.

_To dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation._

* * *

****

yaoi loveing wolf: It was sad, I'm sorry! Thanks for all of your kind reviews.

**moonlit dew:** I'm super, amazingly glad that you enjoyed it. I always take your opinion into account, really. Thank you for all of your reviews, they've kicked my ass. They were awesome and well-detailed and it really helped me out. Hm, I can't promise the most fulfilling ending, but I hope I don't disappoint you. It's very short, but it's the only way I could think of ending it. Again, thank you.

**LustAndVengeance:** I am very proud! And thank you for saying all of those kind things. I'm really glad that you enjoyed it, that anyone enjoyed it, really, but you actually read the story straight through, and that's awesome. Thank you!

**fouloldron:** You're welcome! And thanks for the review.

**seasnake.756:** Well, I'm glad you read it. Thank you very much.

* * *

**Broken Sparrow**

by **Miss Odzy**

010: _Broken Sparrow_

"_I still see you in my dreams, but a dream is just a dream."_

"Please, Light…"

I opened my eyes, unsure on what I would be seeing, until Ryuuzaki came into focus. I wasn't dead? He let out a relieved sigh, and reached for my hand, and squeezed it. My heart was aching, but in a way that felt like it was going tear out from my chest. My breathing wasn't returning to normal. And I knew that I was going to die, and I knew why I was still living. Death was waiting for me, waiting for me to do what I was here to do in the first place.

**Light... It's getting darker…**

The voice in my head was growing weak, also gasping for air. Kira was also dying.

**I managed to take control at the very last moment and grab the Death Note myself, before Ryuuzaki pulled us out from the water. Light… You know what you must do.**

I dug my free hand into my pocket and retrieved the pen I had brought with me. I was strong enough to sit up, my eyes searching for the book, finding it next to me, wrapped up in cloth. I took hold of it, revealing the black and white bindings. I skipped the first few pages, recognizing them as the rules of the Death Note.

"Light, what are you doing?"

And this is why I didn't want to bring him. He wouldn't understand and he didn't have a reason to, I was going to kill him. My fingers tightened around the pen, hearing Kira whisper to me in my ear, hearing him as I wrote down Ryuuzaki's, and L's real name. And when I had finished writing the words, I looked at him, at his lost – fragile being, and once again, wanted nothing more than to hold him.

He was gorgeous, with his dark eyes brimmed with tears.

"You wrote my name."

I looked away from his eyes; the ground was less intimidating, less resentful. He hated me, didn't he? He thought I was a killer now. I'd die with him hating me like this? I laughed, feeling the real tears that have wanted to come to surface for so many years. The small trail burned – and yet soothed, I needed to cry, even if it was just for a short while, even if I was going to die. Crying made the pain in my chest hurt.

"You wouldn't understand. Neither you nor L could conceive of what I've just done," I admitted, while resting a hand against the pain – hoping to make it stop if I added pressure. I gasped for air, this was it, the finish I had been waiting for, "Tell him that Kira has set things right. Tell him that he's sorry that he couldn't save him before, and that he had killed him. This will make it right. It has to!"

His voice was shaking, as he cried out, instantly by my side, "Light!"

**You've done well...you have more heart than I ever did…**

But there wasn't pain for the very last breath. There couldn't have been pain, because I don't remember feeling it. There was only peace and calm, and the feeling of complete contentment. What had I hoped for? I thought that I'd return to Kira and if that were true, I was supposed to be damned now, right? No… I'm not like Kira. I was only a piece of his innocence, the warmth that touched L. That innocence had nothing to do with Kira. Nothing.

* * *

This is it, L. You're going to die and when you die, I won't have to worry about anything anymore. You won't defeat me. I have Rem. How do you suppose you're going to defeat a Shinigami? You won't be able to stop me and soon, no one will. Go ahead, L, make your move. We're all waiting, though any second now, at some point, Rem will go into the back and end you. The more Misa's life drops and is altered, the closer you get to your fall.

There is no time to regret.

If I let you any closer, my love, I'll be ruined.

Take your last breath and meet your end.

And your spoon, the beloved utensil of yours, I wonder if you've had your fill of sweets? Heaven will surely be accommodating, I promise. You won't live long enough to test out the Death Note. You will not be dragged under by its influencing force. It's safer for you to just die, L. And I'll miss you. It'll hurt, because there is no one else like you, L. But I pray that you forgive me, though we'll be entering two separate worlds.

The lights go out and I could hear the loud thunder crashing from outside. The storm was fitting. But you stay perfectly still, like a poetic statue, you know what's coming, it's fairly obvious. But you don't care about yourself, as you lean forward and watch as Watari crashes to the floor, his finger just barely hitting the button that deletes all the files.

Your voice is so small.

"Watari…"

Do you want to kill me, L?

No, do I want to kill you, is the question I should ask myself. For a moment, when I thought that I couldn't spare a moment of regret, was when I looked at you more closely. And I saw everything, as if I were the one dying, just everything we had been through, before I felt a chill run down my spine, and I knew that the pain had struck you. It was as if I had felt it too, shocked back into reality.

Your long body – fragile – still very alive – was falling from your chair. The angle was perfect, I could catch you. It was like time had slowed itself down, as my arms take you and I'm holding you. My smirk was telling you everything. I am Kira and you have been defeated, you are dead. This was where your eyes should have been closing, and I waited, long agonizing moments, but your heart was still beating. And your eyes were dark, and cruel.

"Mr. Yagami," L said, plainly. "This is precisely what I said would happen, did I not?"

And it felt like a joke.

L was alive and I was found out.

"How did you…Why are you alive?!"

"Raito!" My father's quaking voice held no impact, as I continued to stare at L, and was wondering, though relieved, that he was still alive.

"Why are you so shocked, when this entire time, you were protecting me? Though, the evidence that I have makes absolute no sense and defies the rule of the Death Note, it seems to be quite effective." L paused for a moment, before looking over at me, curious. "Did you not even notice what you had written in your Death Note?"

"What are you talking about-" He moved from my arms and flipped open to a page, my eyes widening when I see L's real name written down, and with detail, stating that he'd die at the age of ninety-eight. And at that time, that I couldn't remember writing it, I didn't even mask my hand writing. I saved L, this entire time? He was protected because of me, but how and when? Definitely not consciously, I was ready for his death, or so I thought.

"I purposely waited to see if this was a scam or not. You had meant to kill me, Yagami-kun, which is why Watari is no longer with us. The Shinigami, Rem, is held responsible, just as much as you are, Light." He held up the Death Note. "And from the talk that I've had with the Shinigami, Ryuuk, this Death Note is still yours. Your punishment is to watch your 'accomplishments' burn."

To watch my accomplishments burn?

Matsuda shook his head at me. "Light, how could you do this?"

To watch it burn? I started laughing, "Yes, I'm the God of the New World. Do you hear me? Kill me. I dare you. Lock me up."

"Raito…" My father sighed, disappointed, and hurt. "Your way of justice is completely obscured, it's corrupt justice. You can't truly believe that this is right."

"It won't matter in a short while, Mr. Yagami." L's voice had an amused tone to it, his eyes dark – his lips curling into a smile that told me everything. Whatever it was, he was confident that it would work. And for a moment, I felt fear, until I realized that it was L that would be doing it. L used terms like death and love in the same sentence, L would – and wouldn't do anything to harm me.

* * *

"He doesn't remember anything. After I burnt the Death Note, Light's memories of ever using the note went along with it." I opened my eyes, I had been sleeping again. I woke up to the sound of L's voice, my eyebrows furrowing from the pale light in the room. What had happened?

"Ryuuzaki…" I sat up, rubbing my eyes, before looking at him. He was sitting in a chair next to the bed, his legs to his chest, up on his feet, staring at me. I reached for his hand, but he didn't acknowledge it. Was this another test? They had been questioning me for the past five days. "If this is about Kira, I swear… When are you going to stop thinking I'm Kira?"

"There's no need to wonder anymore, Yagami-kun. In fact, no one will be calling you Kira again." He took my hand, as I was pulling it away. "It's the innocent you that I enjoy having around the most."

I was unsure on what he had meant, "The innocent me?"

"Who has saved me," he sighed, becoming lost in his thoughts, where I don't dare try simplifying. "You were there hidden inside the darkness. And now you're here once more. But it'll be forever this time."

I shook my head, "You're acting strange today, Ryuuzaki."

"Am I? Well, I also wonder if you've forgotten every aspect, even this," He leaned forward – as I felt his lips brushing over mine. How could I forget this? He pulled back a moment after breathing each other in, his breath reaching my lips, "One day, you'll go to Hell, so let's make it Heaven while it lasts, ne?"

I blinked, still not quite understanding. But I nod in agreement anyway, because this fragile life with L was more than I could ask for, this opportunity, to always be by his side was better than living. I'd die for him if asked. I'd do anything for him. Kissing him was rare, he never enjoyed the contact much, but he couldn't seem to stop touching me, to stop kissing me, and was unwilling to let me go.

_You treat me as if I've died, or as if I'm going to die. What had I done? What's the secret? I'm not broken, so why do you hold me as if I am? As much as I love being this close, I promise that I will never go away. I will follow you everywhere, into the dark and into the light. Heaven, Hell… Wherever you shall reside for all of eternity, in this life and in the next, you believe me now, right?_

_L…_

_This is my Heaven._

* * *

**  
End of Story**.

Thank you everyone!  
Thanks for the time and patience,  
and my contant...negativity.  
You were all awesome!


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